


Different Feelings

by Books in the Blood (WholockHobbit88)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Kissing, Unresolved Feelings, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 23:45:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4368941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WholockHobbit88/pseuds/Books%20in%20the%20Blood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Doctor regenerated, Clara knows he changed in a lot ways while she stayed the same. Her greatest fears about his change is that he doesnt feel the same way about her. When the Doctor implies that Clara is just a kid, she shows him a very real way that she is not a kid at all and discovers exactly how the Doctor's feelings have changed about her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different Feelings

Clara tipped her glass back, her throat screaming in protest of the bitter, biting taste of the alien ale but she swallowed it down before she could have time for her face to be pulled in disgust. She was looking for the slightly heady, warm tingly feeling of incoming intoxication and was rewarded with a sudden feeling of looseness in her fingers and toes and knew she was nearly there. Then she heard the annoying sound of the Doctor's grating laughter again and knew she wasn't nearly intoxicated enough to stop being irritated by him.

Clara wasn't much of a drinker and it hadn't been her idea at all to come to the bar. Her idea of a good night out wasn't to be sandwiched in between dozens of aliens that smelled of body odor and rocket fuel, while her senses were assaulted by massive clouds of smoke stronger than any cigarettes or cigar that she had ever smelled and the sound of rouge, impish male laughter. She was sure that she was the only human there, and even worse, the only female. That was unless you included the nearly naked (and sometimes fully naked, she was fairly sure) alien women dancing on the bar. Which she clearly didn't because it wasn't the same thing at all.

They had spent the entire day trying to wrangle an escaped agapy, an alien animal that looked like a terrifying cross between a velociraptor and a lion. After the incident the Doctor wanted to pop in here to refuel which of itself wasn't that bad an idea. But that had been over two hours ago and Clara was tired and irritated and just wanted to go back to the TARDIS. Her spirits were not improving with the Doctor's increasingly elaborate and exaggerated details of the story as he told it to a group of rowdy admirers. She also didn't appreciate the fact that he seemed to leave out the fact that she was not only there but had helped wrangle the creature as well. It had gone from a story about how the Doctor had been so excited at the zoo that he'd accidentally tripped the cage open (the truth) to a story where he saved the frightened citizens from a man-eating monster bent on revenge (a blatant lie).

"And when I cornered him he was inches away from grabbing the poor little boy by the head and ripping him to shreds!" the Doctor exaggerated, gesturing widely and animatedly. He sipped his own drink and Clara scowled. The substance wasn't making him easier going or more tolerable but increasingly obnoxious. She finished her own drink and relished that there had been a time not too long ago that he had lived in a body that couldn't stand alcohol, one that barely looked old enough to drink it anyway.

"And then what?" a massive, greenish blob of an alien asked with a wide, snaggle -toothed expression of awe on his face.

Clara frowned as the Doctor geared up to babble on about some fake, made up act of heroics; this was one time that she wished that TARDIS didn't translate every single thing aliens said.

"And then he got side tracked by a merchant selling used computer parts while I was cornered by the stupid beast" Clara muttered to herself as she ordered another drink. She hadn't even thought anyone had heard her until she turned around and saw the group of admirers and the Doctor had turned around to stare at her as if they had only just realized she was there. The Doctor gave her an exaggerated frown with his massive eyebrows as if trying to cue her to go along with his ruse. Fat chance…

"What's her problem?" an alien with at least ten beady eyes asked as he gestured in Clara's direction with a webbed hand.

"Don't mind her, she gets a bit annoyed when I'm being brilliant" the Doctor said, turning back toward his crowd. The others seemed to snicker as if she wasn't even there; Clara felt her blood being to boil in annoyance.

"You're not being brilliant you're being a bloody liar. Oh, and I'm right here, in case anyone cares to notice" Clara said, letting her irritation seep into her words.

"Kid's got spirit at least. She's not yours, is she?" the green alien from before asked with a laugh.

"God, no" the Doctor said with a heartily laugh. "And I wouldn't say she's got spirit, I'd say she has a bad attitude. But that's her normal attitude so…..what are you going to do?"

Clara knew he was baiting her but she couldn't resist the temptation to argue. She hated being discussed as if weren't even there, especially by the Doctor. And the insinuation that she was the Doctor's child made her stomach turn. "I'm right here! Can no one actually hear me?" Clara asked, apparently to the wind. "And I'm not even close to being a child; I'm 27 years old."

As with everything else, no one seemed to pay any attention. "Kind of small, isn't she? Is that the usual size of humans?" a purplish tinted alien asked. He ogled at her until Clara gave him a scowl and he turned away.

"No, they are usually bigger" the Doctor said, "But Clara here is hardly full grown, still sleeps with a teddy bear even."

Clara felt her cheeks color with embarrassment and burning anger at the Doctor. "I don't sleep with a teddy bear. I just have one; lots of women do" she said seething as everyone laughed at her.

The Doctor turned around and looked at her, grinning like the stupid idiot he was. Challenge flickered in his eyes but faded with amusement. He knew exactly what he was doing and he knew Clara would make him pay for it somehow. Worst part was he seemed to be looking forward to it. "Don't worry, Clara. I'm sure you'll grow out of it" he said snidely to her remark, grinning.

"What, like you grew out of sucking your thumb when you got your new face?" Clara snapped back.

The Doctor's face fell for a fraction of a second before he recovered, smirking at me. "Must be confusing me with one of your simple boyfriends, kiddo. Now hush while the adults talk." he said irritatingly with a wink before he turned back around to his annoying crowd.

Kiddo…..KIDDO? Clara downed the rest of her drink in one gulp and slammed her glass on the bar as hard as she could. She'd been angry with the Doctor before but she wasn't quite sure that she had ever been this angry with him. She was quite sure that he wasn't normally this big of an ass either. She'd done her best to cope with the Doctor's change when he regenerated but it hadn't been easy. It hadn't been easy to adjust when her kind, childish, goofy Doctor was replaced with this brash, hands- off version that couldn't stand for her to touch him. But now he was trying to act like she was the child? It had been a very short time ago that she'd had to be the one to explain adult behavior to him or remind him to do simple things like change his socks or chew his food before trying to swallow it. He'd been gentle and passive and she had liked it that way. She liked being in charge. Despite the Doctor's more take charge nature in this body, she still asserted that she had the upper hand.

Kiddo…..she'd prove she was anything but. Anything to wipe that smug smirk off his face.

….

Clara considered herself a responsible, sensible person. Despite the fact that she traveled around the universe with the Doctor in a time machine, visiting alien worlds she still considered herself to be a level headed person who didn't make rash decisions. She could have blamed her mad behavior on the drink; surely she didn't drink that often. But she hadn't drunk enough to blame this behavior on that. Really she knew she had no one but the Doctor to blame for this…..and maybe herself a little bit.

It wasn't just the fact that the Doctor was being insufferable tonight. And it wasn't just her desire to prove that she was not some child he could boss around. It went deeper than that, to motives that she couldn't bring herself to examine, ones she refused to examine now. Right now she just wanted to have fun with whatever reaction she could illicit from the Doctor.

It was not like her at all; level headed, straight laced, Ms. Oswald…dancing on top of a bar in a crowded alien pub barely wearing anything. The owner of the pub had only been too glad to accommodate her wish; he'd paid her even for it. He obviously didn't think she was unattractive or too young. Clara had blushed when she stepped out of the dressing room in the silvery, bedazzled underthings. Pushing back her embarrassment Clara marched out into the room; this was no different than wearing a bikini, right?

Clara danced around the bar, slowly making her way toward the Doctor with every movement. She didn't consider herself to be that alluring; she didn't even want to think about how long it had been since she had been on a date that had been anything less than painfully awkward. But copying wasn't that hard; Clara watched the other (girls?) out of the corner of her eye and just did what they were doing.

As she turned the corner of the bar and came around to the other side, she could see the Doctor down at the end, still laughing and drinking with his gaggle of new alien friends. Clara suppressed a smile, forcing it into a smoldering look; she couldn't wait to see the Doctor's expression. The alcohol had given a pleasant buzz and a bit of confidence and she carefully slid past a green alien girl to get to where the Doctor was sitting.

The Doctor was, naturally, paying no attention to the dancers but his new friends instantly noticed her. She couldn't resist the twitching of a small smile on her lips as she saw their mouths fall open as they sloshed their drinks, poking at the Doctor to get his attention. As satisfying as their reactions were it wasn't half as satisfying as the Doctor's was.

Clara had been waiting for a good, major reaction and she was not disappointed. The Doctor turned around on his stool at the aliens' persistence, laughing as he did so; obviously he had no idea what they were so worked up about. The second that he looked up and saw her swaying on the bar, his face fell. Then the rest of him fell…..into the floor.

Clara couldn't resist laughing as the Doctor shamefully picked himself off of the floor, mouth open and staring at her in shock. She had mostly recovered by the time he sat down on the stool. He recovered himself, staring up at her with a dark, angry expression. God…..she loved that expression of his newest incarnation at least.

"Clara Oswald….what are you doing?!" the Doctor asked. His face was furious but his voice cracked in hysteria.

Clara gave a particularly exaggerated sway of her hips and watched his eyes pop out of his head. Yeah, what do you think now, old man? She thought smugly to herself.

Clara leaned down on the bar, grabbing the Doctor's face with her hands. She tried not to think about how much of her chest she was exposing to everyone in front of her and only focus on the beads of sweat quickly gathering on the forehead. "What do you think I'm doing, you Clever Boy?" Clara asked in her best deep, smooth voice. She hadn't called him that since he'd gotten this face and the reaction was quite worth it.

The Doctor's pale face flushed red from his cheeks to his ears. She smirked at him in satisfied glee until he grabbed her by the wrist and pulled. "We are leaving. Now" the Doctor said in such a firm voice she was sure that it was intended to frighten her. But it didn't; all she felt was an excited tremor run down her back.

"Maybe I don't want to go" Clara said, giving him a wink. "Maybe I like being up here."

The Doctor gave her a hard, dark look. "No you don't. Think about how everyone is seeing you right now." He said in a hushed tone. He was whispering as if she was still a child, unaware of how seductive she was trying to be. He didn't realize she was fully aware of that.

"I'm pretty aware of everyone watching me. I rather like the attention" Clara said with a cheeky smile. Really, she could care less how everyone else was looking at her right now. The Doctor was clearly melting down and that was all that mattered. No one though she was a kid right now, did they?

The Doctor leaned in closer to Clara until she could see the flecks of color in his eyes as he frowned in worry. "You're practically wearing no clothing. I don't think you realize everyone can see most of your body" he said. He obviously thought she was either too naïve or too stupid to know that; it wouldn't be the first time he'd thought her of subpar intelligence in his new form. Unlike the other times where it bothered her terribly, this time she was more than glad to prove him wrong.

"Oh, I know that. Trust me, I know that" Clara said in a deep voice, trying to pull out of his grip with a slow turn of her hips.

The Doctor's face turned red again and hard with anger. "We are leaving. I don't care if you want to or not." He barked in an irritated voice as he pulled her off the bar.

Clara landed as gracefully as she could but she had no time to compose herself before the Doctor was pulling her roughly through the crowd of smelly patrons and out the door. Normally, Clara would have been irritated by the Doctor's 'take charge' attitude and how he was forcing her to do what he wanted. Wasn't that part of the reason she'd even done the little stunt on the bar? So why didn't she feel irritated? As the Doctor held her hand with such a vise grip that she couldn't possibly get away and dragged her through the crowded dirt street outside of the bar she felt no irritation. Quite the opposite; she couldn't stop grinning as a wave of excitement built inside of her. It wasn't as if the Doctor was controlling her just for controlling her; it was as if was doing it because he cared. She wanted nothing more than to hear him say that and confirm her suspicions.

The walk to the TARDIS was short and Clara was grateful; her outfit seemed to attract a lot of attention as the Doctor dragged her apparently against her will. As she drew worried glances, she gave the aliens around her a smile to show that she wasn't a desperate girl being held against her will. Well, not entirely against her will…

The Doctor opened the door of the TARDIS and pushed her inside before walking in behind her. Clara was grinning, feeling heady from the drink and the excitement of doing something so unlike her, so wild. When the Doctor turned around and began to walk toward her with a murderous glint in his eye, the smile fell off her face. Had she gone too far? While she admitted her joke was in bad taste she hardly thought it was bad enough to warrant such a death glare.

"What the hell was that about?" the Doctor asked in a thundering voice. He put his hands on his hips but she could see that his hands were actually shaking with anger.

Clara causally sat on the jump seat, feeling completely unaffected compared to his extreme reaction. "I was bored" she said with a shrug of her shoulders. It was partially true.

"You were bored?" the Doctor asked, his voice echoing through the TARDIS. "You were bored so decided to take off all of your clothes and flaunt yourself through a bar so everyone can…"he trailed off, his voice having reached such anger that she could barely keep from laughing at him.

"So everyone could what?" Clara asked with a playful raise of an eyebrow. She really was very much hoping that the Doctor would finish that sentence.

But he didn't. "Don't do that again" he ordered, his face darkening.

"You're not my boss, you know?" Clara asked. "If I want to dance, I will. It was your fault anyway. Having to listen to you for hours ramble on for hours to your adoring fans…how long was I supposed to put up with that?"

The Doctor walked closer so that he was standing directly in front of her. He was full of anger and she was almost looking forward to seeing him snap now. "Don't blame your awful behavior on me" he threatened her.

Clara shrugged her shoulders casually just to make him angry. "I don't know why you're so upset" she said. "I was having fun dancing, everyone else was having fun watching. It's not as if you have any feelings other than anger so I don't know why it should bother you."

Clara was fishing now but she wanted to hear him say it. She wanted to hear that her worst fears about this new him were wrong. The man in front of her had been reborn angry at the world and she wanted to know that some part of him still cared about her. Her intentions had been less respectful at the time but now all she wanted was for him to say that the reason he was so upset was that he didn't like everyone ogling her because she deserved to be treated better than that. She could feel the desire of it like a lump of emotions in her throat.

The Doctor's face fell. He didn't look angry anymore; he didn't look like anything which was worse. Clara couldn't read him at all like this. "You think I don't have any feelings? You think I'm honestly angry right now?" he asked. He closed his eyes as if composing himself and Clara was desperate to read some clue on his face but she couldn't.

Clara reached out and grabbed the lapels of his coat, wanting something to grab onto. If this was the old him, she would have reached out for his hand or hugged him. She felt a pain when she thought that she couldn't do that now. Her buzz was wearing off and it was leaving her feeling cold and lonely. "You're yelling and shouting, so yes, I think you're angry. What else am I supposed to think?" she asked quietly.

The Doctor closed his eyes again and breathed deeply, carefully. When he opened his eyes he was calm but there was a cloud of darkness in his eyes. He grabbed her wrists as they clung to his coat and she was afraid he might push even this small bit of touch away. She was glad when he left his hands on her wrists and didn't push her away. "When you dress like that and act like that men have certain feelings…..certain thoughts…..about you. You shouldn't do that" he said, his words careful and planned.

Clara felt the hope inside of her getting stronger. He was almost there, so close to saying that she didn't deserve that treatment. She knew exactly what those people were thinking looking at her; she was trying not to think of it too closely. She wasn't naïve; she just wanted him to be alarmed at her expense. It wasn't like her to be so needy but it had been a very difficult couple of months. She just missed him and she felt like she could do anything to get him back. "Well, at least they know I'm not some little kid, unlike someone." Clara said, her bravado gone so she couldn't think back a biting remark like she wanted.

The Doctor's grip on her wrists seemed to grow even stronger, almost painful as he gave her an indecipherable expression. "I am fully aware of the fact that you aren't a child" the Doctor said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Clara didn't know what to say; she had expected him to make some joke or insult her in some way at the comment. When he didn't, she felt the fight go out of her. Her buzz was nearly completely gone and she felt chilled and ridiculous in the clothing she was wearing. "Everything's changed now" Clara found herself saying. It wasn't really what she meant to say but it was the only thing that came out. Her thoughts, her desires for things to go back the way that they had been sprung out of her against her will.

The Doctor studied her, his eyes boring into her own. "You didn't change. I did. You stayed the same" he said.

Clara didn't know why it bothered her but it did. Of course the Doctor had changed; new body, new personality…..sure he maintained his memories but in nearly all of the ways that mattered to a human he had changed. But the Doctor had always argued to Clara that he hadn't changed, that he was the same man. She thought eventually that she would be able to believe what he was saying. But if he wasn't even going with the illusion now, how could she believe it?

"Then why even bother telling me that you're the same person? You've been so insistent but it was a lie, wasn't it?" Clara asked, her voice cracking. She felt the wave of tears coming on her and she knew that she needed to get away soon. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of letting him know that he had made her cry.

The Doctor looked frustrated. "I am the same person!" he insisted, his tone rising with his annoyance. "I'm the same person I just don't feel the same!"

If Clara had been a little more composed and not on the verge of losing it, she could have and should have asked him what he meant. The Doctor didn't say anything anymore about he felt about anything. It would have been interesting to see what kind of answer he gave her. But there was only one thing that really mattered.

Clara managed to tear her arms out of the Doctor's painful grasp, letting go of his coat. "You don't feel the same way about me" she said, her words flat and deflated.

"No" the Doctor's answer was almost instant and it cut Clara deep. Everything that she had feared since the Doctor had changed was confirmed by it. The Doctor that had loved her, had told her she was beautiful and special, who showed her the wonders of the universe was really gone. And he had been replaced with a version that didn't feel those things anymore.

Clara got off the jump seat, pushing past the Doctor in an effort to get away. The tears were stinging her eyes now and she knew that there was no way that she could hide in much longer. She was racing for the hallway, to the safety of her own room where she could fully cry for everything that she had lost. The Doctor was behind her, calling out for her to stop but she didn't listen to him. What could he possibly have to say that wouldn't make her feel even terribly worse? She didn't want to give him the chance to do her even more damage; he done enough.

But the Doctor was not to be persuaded away. He called after her and chased her until they were nearly at her bedroom.

"Clara…..for god's sake…stop!" the Doctor said in exasperation. With one last push he finally caught up with her before she could disappear into her room.

Clara felt the Doctor's hand clamp hard around her wrist. He used the strength of his pull to turn her around and Clara was sure that when she turned to face him she'd see an angry time lord. She was surprised by what she actually did see; or rather what she felt.

When the Doctor turned her arm to face him, his arms went around her back within a fraction of a second and then his lips were on hers. It had happened so quickly that it took Clara awhile for her mind to catch up to what was happening.

The Doctor was kissing her….for a moment she thought that she must be making it up in her head. She had kissed the Doctor before, in his other body, but it seemed now that that didn't count. Those were small, innocent kisses usually on the cheek because the Doctor moved too quickly. This was everything far from innocent and everything far from small.

Clara felt the arms around her lift off the ground slightly; the Doctor held her as if she weighed nothing in his arms as he kissed her. Sometime later, she felt her mostly bare back connect with the cold wall of the TARDIS as the Doctor pressed her up against it. Clara found her arms, one around his back and the other knotted in his coat, clinging tightly as she struggled to hold on and keep her balance as her legs seemed to go slightly weak. She was embarrassed that she was so affected to actually feel weak in the knees, but she didn't have much brain power left to worry about it in that moment.

The Doctor didn't like touching now, it seemed or at least that's what he said. But she couldn't understand how someone that could kiss like this could be opposed to touching. The hands trailing along her skin, her arms, her back, her stomach, exploring every inch of the ample skin exposed, didn't seem to fit into the Doctor's mantra that he didn't hug or do any of that other 'sentimental nonsense' now.

The Doctor's lips moved on Clara's in an expert way, nipping at her lip slightly before plunging his tongue into her mouth. It seemed like he knew instinctively where to nip and where to let his tongue travel, making her heart race and her grip on him tighten. She couldn't overthink it or the illusion would be broken and so Clara allowed herself to exist in that moment as if she was doing nothing but feeling. Feeling the roughness of the Doctor's tongue and lips, the way his hands traveled along her skin, making it heat up whenever they touched. When Clara felt her head dizzy, slight from the desire and slight from the need to breathe, the Doctor pulled his mouth away from hers and let it move along her jaw bone and down to her neck. The Doctor's traveling took him along the curve of Clara's neck and down to the spot of soft flesh just above her flashy costume. Clara felt her breath catch in her throat and nearly stop; her hands went through the Doctor's silky hair and held his head, instinctively trying to push him lower.

Clara's head was wonderfully clouded, her thoughts pushed out by the sheer force of her desire, her heart racing and her body trembling when the Doctor pulled back. His face froze inches from hers, his mouth hanging open slightly and his eyes big. He seemed nearly as shocked as she felt even though he'd been the one that had initiated it. He seemed to realize that his hand was still precariously low on her back and he pulled it back, shaking slightly.

"What was that?" Clara gasped out after several long seconds of silence between them. Her brain was slowly emerging from the fog of desire and she needed to make sense of what had just happened. The man who never even let her hug him had given the most thorough snog she could ever remember having, his hands touching every part of that her costume wasn't touching, which was nearly everything.

The Doctor seemed shocked by his own behavior for a moment before he recovered himself. "It got your attention, didn't it?" he tried to play it off like a joke but Clara wasn't having it. It wasn't a kiss merely to shock her; the way he kissed her spoke of consuming her, his hands and lips needing to touch every part of her that he could. Something more was going on here.

The Doctor was pulling away and walking back toward the console room as he composed himself but Clara wasn't going to let him get away. If they didn't talk about this right now it would be just a memory and the Doctor would act like it had never happened.

"Hey! You're going to tell me right now what that was about" Clara insisted, following the Doctor back into the console room.

"A distraction, a mere distraction" the Doctor said with a smile, waving his hands about like it was some big secret. "I wanted to calm you down from the little tantrum you were about to throw and it worked."

Clara ignored the snide remark and pushed on. She came around to face him, using her body to push him back against the console. If he wanted to get away he could easily but she wanted to feel she had some way of making him stay. "No….I want to know why after you just say you didn't care about me anymore, you….you….kissed me like that" Clara demanded in a stronger voice than she felt.

"I never said I didn't care" the Doctor insisted, looking cool and composed but she could feel heat radiating through his clothes to her bare skin. "As usual, you missed the point."

"Then you're going to explain the point to me" Clara ordered, pushing him harder.

"Make me" the Doctor argued back petulantly.

Before Clara had fully made the decision to do it, her lips were on the Doctor's as she pushed him into the console. If the Doctor claimed that he was just kissing her as a way to get her to shut up then she could claim that she was doing it as a way to get him to talk. While he'd been the one to dominate the movements before, it was Clara's turn now and she found a very strange thing happening to her.

While she couldn't deny that she had been affected before when the Doctor kissed her, she was able to distance herself from the reason she was so affected. The Doctor had been doing all of the right things so it was only natural that her body would respond. But this, exploring him, touching the places that she had only dreamed about made it all obvious to her. Despite the Doctor's having changed, she still wanted him in the same ways she had before. Before, the Doctor had been so naively oblivious that he hadn't been able to understand any of her advances. While that had been frustrating, she'd learned to be alright with it; the Doctor still seemed to adore her and he was so kind it was impossible to be upset with him. But when he had regenerated, he hadn't been nice or kind like he had been before and it was obvious that he didn't seem to want to even be her friend, much less more than that.

She'd tried to tell herself that this Doctor was a mean, rude old man; she'd tried to make herself believe that. But it was obvious, as she pressed him so far back over the console that she was nearly on top of him, that she hadn't believed a word of that.

She'd always wanted to do this; she always wanted to kiss him, thoroughly and properly with all she had. Now, given the opportunity, her whole body felt on fire. At first the Doctor tried to resist the furtive movements of her lips against his own; she could feel him being stubbornly still beneath her, no doubt trying to make a point. Lost in her own fire and her desire to make him cave, Clara began to kiss along his neck. Already she could feel his body relax under her; when her lips moved up to his ear as her hands worked through his hair and she heard him stifle a whimpering sound she knew she had him. Clara moved her lips and tongue along the curves of his ear, slow and teasingly, smiling to herself as she heard the Doctor try and fail to keep his sounds of pleasure to himself. When she met his lips again, he didn't fight it. He tried to match her fervor with his lips but Clara didn't let him; she wanted the power this time. When the Doctor's hands moved toward her hips, she grabbed them strong and pinned them over his head against the console. The sound of frustration that pierced the air from the Doctor was well worth it.

Clara didn't want to stop; the feel of the Doctor's lips, the press of his body under her, the whimpering she was forcing from him made it nearly impossible to stop. Her heart was racing and she felt shaky but she knew when she pulled back she needed to appear calm and unaffected like she didn't feel. She wasn't going to force him to talk and she wasn't going to force this to happen again, as hard as it was. She knew if she nagged him, it would only make him that more determined not to talk. If she appeared unaffected, then it might be enough to push him.

When Clara pulled back she nearly lost her nerve, seeing the Doctor sprawled across the TARDIS console, his hair and clothes mussed in the best possible way. She took a deep breath, forcing herself not to over think things. "So, ready to talk now?" Clara asked with a confident smile, crossing her arms over her chest, trying to appear causal.

The Doctor's eyes looked glazed and unfocused for several seconds before he came out of the snog induced stupor. "I have nothing to say" the Doctor said stubbornly, frowning. His voice was several octaves higher than it normally was and that gave Clara some satisfaction.

"Fine, then" Clara said, shrugging even though a part of her was shriveling inside at the prospect that this might not work in her favor. "Well, we don't have to talk. But…" Clara paused as the Doctor stared at her sullenly. "If we don't talk, then don't expect this to ever happen again."

The Doctor remained stoic and Clara turned away and began to walk toward the hallway for her bedroom. She was nearly out of the room; she was sure that the Doctor was going to let her go but she remained stubbornly assertive. She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the Doctor's voice behind her.

"It just made me a bit…..crazy!"

Clara turned around, trying to suppress a smile. She walked back to the console where the Doctor was still leaning, running his fingers through his hair as if trying to fix it but it was a lost cause. His eyes flickered guiltily to Clara before he looked away.

"It just startled me…..surprised me" the Doctor tried to defend himself. The Doctor's gaze traveled along her and she felt suddenly like she should blush. "I didn't know how to act, seeing you dressed like that."

Clara couldn't believe that it had actually worked, that she had actually got the Doctor to talk. "It doesn't seem to bother you now" Clara said, observing the way the Doctor was still studying her. Had he been doing that the whole time? She wasn't used to having this kind of attention on her.

The Doctor stifled a sheepish smile. "I'm not bothered….there's no one else to see you here." he admitted.

Clara grinned. "You were jealous? Of those other blokes looking at me?" she asked, walking closer to him. She hoped he might reach out to her; when he didn't, she put her arms around his neck and he had to look at her.

"No….I just didn't like it at all" the Doctor said, trying to hide embarrassment. Clara didn't even argue with him this time.

"I know you want me to feel the same way about you but I don't" the Doctor admitted after a long spell, his eyes wide and open, more open that she had seen him in this body. "Don't get upset" he warned her when Clara's face fell.

"What's different?" she asked. Surely they weren't going backward after what had just happened.

The Doctor squirmed. "Well, for starters, I would never have been jealous if I was still my last self" he admitted. "And I wouldn't have kissed you either."

Clara smiled. The Doctor was at a loss with his own feelings but she could see it clearly. "But now you want to kiss me?" she asked, pleased with herself.

The Doctor finally met her eyes. "Yes…." He admitted as if it was a terrible secret. "I didn't know where all these feelings have come from. When I was him I was full of energy and life but I never had this feeling…this feeling like I'm burning inside. I don't know what to do with it….how to make it stop."

Clara had to hide how pleased she was about this had turned out. All she'd really been hoping for was to get the Doctor's attention; she never expected him to admit, in a roundabout way, that he desired her. And she never expected to be able to teach him anything.

Clara leaned in and gave the Doctor a long, slow kiss. When she pulled away the Doctor tried to follow her, not wanting it to end.

"Well," she said with a cheeky grin. "It's a good thing that you have a teacher on board who can show you a thing or two about it."


End file.
